Ive never blogged before..

I’ve never blogged before. I’m not sure why, really. Maybe because I had nothing to say? Not likely. Maybe because the idea of posting my thoughts on the web is weird to me? Possibly. Maybe im secretly insecure about my writing abilities? Who knows..

I do know why I decided to start though. In eight days I am leaving for Moscow, Russia and will be there until May or July. Im not sure yet when I will be back. A month ago, I would have sobbed like a little child at the thought of leaving soon, but it seems that isn’t the case anymore. It is amazing how much peace the Lord can bring. I am ready to go.

You see, I went on a mission trip to South Africa last summer. It wasn’t this huge emotional response, and it wasn’t a story of me falling in love with the Lord and deciding right then and there to go to the Nations whenever He asked. not. at. all. It was a frustrating trip for me. I didn’t know how to love the Lord to the point of complete abandonment of self, nor was I in the position to joyfully give my whole life over to His will. I looked at the missionaries stationed in Joburg, and I knew that I couldn’t leave my comfortable supportive bubble of Baton Rouge if the Lord willed it. I knew I loved people that much, but did I love the Lord that much? Did I even want to love the Lord that much? After a lot of conversations with anybody that would talk to me, it was pretty clear that I put so much into my horizontal relationships that I completely neglected my vertical one. The interesting thing ive learned about relationships over the course of the past few months is that my horizontal relationships need to be an overflow of my vertical one. Loving, solid relationships with people need to be an overflow of a loving, solid relationship with God. So, I set out to fix this. My immediate practical solution = get in the word. When I got home that summer, I started in Genesis and just dug in. All credit goes to God in this, because surprisingly I haven’t quit yet. Many people know that I didn’t grow up with a church background, so learning about Abraham, Noah, and Moses, and seeing Gods perfect and beautiful plan in action has been huge in my life this past semester. I am just starting 1Samuel and still have so much to learn..I cannot tell you how excited I am to see where God leads me in this journey. It is clear that He has been preparing me to go before I even knew I was going. Blows my mind.

Needless to say, my love of the Lord wasn’t a big, instant response. It grew as my understanding of His story grew. I soon knew in my heart that I needed to leave for a longer period of time. To me, that looked like a summer mission. Glamorous right? Giving my summer up to proclaim the gospel to some unreached people group? Yea sign me up! (talk about pride. agh.) So, I started looking for summer programs. My plan, of course, was not His. He plopped the study abroad Russia program right into my lap, and I tossed it right out. A whole semester in Russia? Heck no. This isnt’t technically even a mission trip, it’s a whole semester, and its cold. I was not going.. (let me remind you that I am leaving on this excursion in 8 days haha) After a lot of ups and downs, which I wont get into, I finally came to love the plan He put before me and found peace in going to Russia. God doesn’t just call us on “mission trips”. Life, in the name of Christ, is missional. It isn’t about being able to say that I went on a “mission” trip, and it isn’t about sticking another “ive been to that country” pin on your map. He has come to show me that life in Him is abandonment of self. It isn’t about glamour, and it certainly isn’t about my story. It is about proclaiming His story. He gives us our relationships, and so He has every right and reason to send us into new ones – no matter where they may be.

So, now the plan is to go and keep in touch via blog and send out prayer requests and such. Who knows if I will keep up with it. I have to admit that writing this blog post was kind of fun. It bring me back, though, to the question of why didn’t I start blogging sooner? Maybe the real reason was that I was afraid to be open and honest; afraid of being myself. I never thought that was an insecurity of mine, but then again I never gave it much thought. That of course sets my mind off to pondering the cliché question of, “who am I?”… Really?? Could I have landed on a lamer question if I tried? Ha, probably not. The answer took me about a minute to come to. Last summer I would have thought for hours over this, but not now. The answer is simple: I am Shelli, I am an image bearer of Christ, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am His..and I am going to Russia!!!

..everything else, I don’t really need to know right now :)